DC Superhero oneshots
by Wonderbat385
Summary: All I have to say is my friend got bored in math class and came up with this idea also this is my first story so plz have a little bit of mercy on me also R&R!
1. Missing Dick

Missing Dick

A/N: hey there! Just wanted to say i don't own any of these characters, and that this was made during a very boring math class moment along with my friend / partner in crime in making this story also mature content because… well you were warned.

Batcave 12:34 AM

Batman: WE"RE DICKLESS!

Wonder Woman: What?

Batman: DICK IS GONE!

Wonder Woman: Which one?

Batman: MY SON!

Wonder Woman: Oh well then i don't really care.

Batman: AND MY DICK TOO!

Wonder Woman: OH NO! WHAT DO WE DO?!

Nightwing: *Randomly walks in* Hey, guys!

Batman: There's one, BUT WHERE'S THE OTHER ONE?!

Nightwing: There's what, and what other one, what are we talking about as a matter a fact?

Wonder Woman: DICK'S MISSING!

Nightwing: No I'm not

Wonder Woman: NOT THAT ONE!

Nightwing: *Looks down* No it's not

Wonder Woman: NOT YOURS BATMAN'S!

Nightwing: #Scarred4life

Hall Of Justice 1:54 AM

Wonder Woman: Okay Justice Leaguers, we have a big, no a huge problem!

All: WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?!

Wonder Woman: DICK IS MISSING!

Cyborg: Um… no? He's right there *points at Nightwing who by the way is still pale*

Wonder Woman: NOOOOOOO BATMAN'S DICK IS MISSING

Superman: Uhh mine's gone too *turns red*

Flash: Mine's missing too

Wonder Woman: OH NO ALL OF THE DICKS ARE MISSING

Cyborg: I don't have one.

Martian ManHunter: I don't know If I have one.

And the dicks were never seen again and Wonder Woman left Batman due to his dicklessness, the only person who's Dick was missing tho was dick because…. He's Dick also J'onn and Victor went for some pizza after having a very interesting conversation.


	2. When Batman Gets Drunk

Whan Bafman Gefs Dwump (When Batman Gets Drunk)

Batcave 1:45 AM two days INCEDENT

Batman: Wha day if is? (What day is it)

Dick: What?

Batman: I saf whaf day if fis? (I said what day is it)

Dick: Uh... Monday? I think

Batman: Wha Hafened? I cant feef my thung. (What happened? I can't feel my tongue.)

Dick: Do i need to get you something, a translator maybe?

Batman: *Grabs notebook and pencil, and starts writing* What happened i can't feel my tongue

Dick: Oh umm you fell unconscious! :D

Batman: why?

Dick: Ummmm DUH you were drunk! Dude it was epic!

Batman:Umm no it wasn't.

Dick: Uh, yes you were you can barely talk, thank you very much.

Batman: I wasn't that drunk! You asshole *erases you asshole*

Dick: Dude you were trying to kiss me thinking i was Diana!

Batman: Well be thankful i was sober enough to drive you home

Dick: I drove you home, you... were... driving... *clears throat* in the passangers seat with a paper plate, and then you started singing *fakes falsetto* AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, in your Batman voice, then after that you tried to jump out the window, and i somehow managed to keep you in the car, then after i rescued you from that you started making out with the head of the seat thinking it was Diana AGAIN! By the way i can set you up with Diana, oh and when we got to the Batcave you ordered pizza, and when the teenage pizza dude poor guy by the way he was happy due to the money you gave him, but was traumatized by the way you started shouting TEENAGERS SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUTTA ME! Then you started throwing 100 dollar bills at his face screaming PLAESE LEAVE I DON'T WANNA DIE I'M TOO PRETTY TO DIE, LOOK AT ME I'M SOO SEXY DON'T YOU WANT TO FUCK ME! WELL YOU CAN'T I'M DATING DIANA WE JUST HAD A HOT DATE A FEW SECONDS AGO! Refering back to the seat you were making out with minutes before thinking it was Diana AGAIN! And then you tried to make out with pizza dude thinking it was DIANA AGAIN! But like seriously dude, just ask her out, i mean we all know you got problems but... they're not that bad!

Batman: *Jaw falls down and starts drowling due to the fact that his mouth and tongue are still numb*

Dick: EW! Bruce! ALFRED GET THE BABY BOTTLE THE K.I.D IS DROWLING AGAIN!

Batman: I'm frolling again? (I'm drooling again?)

Dick: What?!

A/N: I messed up on the chapter but, i fixed it... maybe... not quite sure... i'll check it in the morning anywho i got the idea from a meme where Jason gets drunk and he thinks he is sober enough to drive Dick home, and well i let my mind do the rest.


	3. Joker & Boobies

JOKER & BOOBIES

A/N: Soo.. this is how you know that we got too bored during math class. This was more of Alex's/TheGhostOfOhio idea so i give her more credit.

Gotham Club 2:45

Waitress: Umm... sir I don't think I should give you more alcohol...

Batman: I'm the goddamn Batman! I WILL GET MY BEER *throws money and Damian at the waitress*

Damian: YA! GET EM DAD!

Flash: Just give him what he wants or else he won't leave you alone. HE. WILL. HAUNT. YOUR. FUCKING. DREAMS.

Batman: *Singing* and i will haunt your fucking dreams! NO ONE WILL FUCK YOU LIKE I DID SO GO AND WRITE THAT SCARLET LETTER!

Tim: Yeah! Dad keep it up! *In awe*

Batman: *Goes to the karaoke machine and sings Alone by Falling in reverse at the top of his lungs*

Jason, Dick, Tim, and Damian: *somehow also drunk join Batman and start to sing/scream the song with Batman*

Flash: *Looks at waitress* See what did i tell you?

Joker: HELLO HANDSOMES!

Superman: What is the Joker doing here?!

Joker: I own the place!

Batman: *Thinking Joker is Diana gets shirtless exposing those nice abs and pecs* HELLO MY LOVE!

Joker: Who's he talking to?

Batkidz: *Also thinking Joker is Diana* HEY! DIANA WHATCHA DOIN' HERE?!

Joker: Oh! I can use this against them! *laughs evilly then pretends to be Diana*

Damian: *Throws up due to his 10yr oldness*

Joker: Eww! Waitress lady thingymajiggy you're a lady right? If not then... GO GET ONE... 'cause you don't look like one.

Waitress: *Sighs* Sir i can asure you i am a lady.

Joker: PROVE IT!

Waitress: Uhh... how?

Joker: Oh you have those boobie thingy's ARE THOSE FAKE? *Pokes the boob various times to confirm realness*

Waitress: *Uncomfortably trumatized*

Joker: (After a minute of poking the boobies intensely he tries to pull them off.) WHY WON'T THESE COME OFF ARENT THEY REMOVABLE?!


	4. Dumbledore's Gay

Dumbledore's Gay

A/N: My friend loves Harryb Potter fan and i am ok with it, and one day she came in math class yelling DUMBLEDORE'S GAY! So it progessed from there.

Wayne Manor 4:53 PM

Batman: *Pulls out a Harry Potter book*

Dick: DUMBLEDORE IS GAY!

Jason: What?!

Dick: YES! IKR?!

Batman: I was trying to read!

Dick: And if you read the Mortal Instruments Alec is gay! OMG OMG OMG

Batman: Are you gay? I mean your name is Dick so that make sense...

Wonder Woman: *Pops out of nowhere* I SUPPORT *Pulls out a gay pride flag* WHENS THE PRIDE PARADE?!

"Dick: In a year...

Batman: WHO CARES *Throws pride flags out of nowhere, and gets in the Batmobile with Wonder Woman, and they go around the world throwing pride flags at everyone*

Jason: *Hands someone a parade flag* Support the cause or i'll kill you, if you move i kill you.

Random person who we named Mellissia, because Melissia is a nice name: But sir, how would i grab the fl-

Jason: *Shoots her* Did i mention don't talk, no? Oh well... OOPS! Sorry not sorry. Oh! Also when you get to hell can you please tell Hades i'm coming over for Thanksgiving! *Skips away*


	5. The Authors Talking

The Authors Talking

Alex: I really want to go to Texas or North Carolina... you know why?

Wonderbat385: I know your girlfriend, I also have a aunt I Texas to help us out, but I really want to go to Greece tho.

Alex: OMG YESSSSSSS! I would totally go to Greece! WE could run away, and stay there forever!

Wonderbat385: Yeah! And then I would look for my long lost mother and father.

Alex: OH! And the H in Hollywood is a secret portal to... somewhere!

Wonderbat385: YES! *Laughs which ends up sounding evilly/or however you spell evilly*

Alex: Idk, ask Nina... NINA HOW DO YOU SPELL EVILLY?!

Nina: It's spelt 'evily' you're supposed to know this. You're the English nerd :0

Alex: Fuck you Nina!

Wonderbat385: HEY! It's my Intelligious-retardious okay!

Nina: Nah, you have copius-anserus remember?

Wonderbat385: Well, remember I have BOTH!

Alex: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Wonderbat385: SHUT UP HARLEY! (Because she sounds like that right now)

Nina: Yo wtf?! This isn't one of your weird night club thing right? I don't want you trying to pull my boobs off *Thinks of an escape plan just in case*

Alex: We can try if you want to

Wonderbat385: *Hits Alex in the head* That was the Joker, not Harley! Hey wait, you actually read it?

Alex: *Rubbing back of head*

Nina: Mmm no. I was listening to you guys write that story. Weird af

Wonderbat385: Ha! Sure we totally believe you.

Alex: We weren't that loud

Nina: You were. You ALWAYS are *eye roll* I hear everything lol.

Alex: Oh... yeah I still don't believe you.

A/N: We always end up with these kind of conversations when we are writing a story hope you guys enjoy our weirdness :D


	6. Q and A: Staring Bruce Wayne & The Joker

Q And A: Staring Bruce Wayne Joker

Q: Favorite song?

Bruce: Natural by Imagine Dragons

Joker: Melanie Martinez *hiccup*

Wonderbat285: But that's a person...

Joker: *Confused*

Q: Worse dressed?

Bruce: Joker I mean he looks like a unicorn vomited on him...

Joker: Batman, I mean does he know that colors exsist?!

Q: Married?

Bruce: Yes! Her names Diana!

Joker: Yes! It's Batman!

Q: Favorite superhero?

Bruce: Are you guys familiar with Batman? Well if not he's like the best!

Joker: Uhh… DUH! It's me!

Wonderbat385: But ur not a superhero...

Joker: *Thinks about it* WHO CARES?!

Q: Favorite color?

Bruce: Black... like my uniform *poses, and then realizes his mistake.*

Joker: Ummmmm….. THE COLOR OF YOUR BLOOD!

Q: Favorite subject?

Bruce: Chemistry *winks*/ in a Bruce Wayne way.

Joker: Hmmm... Just cause' i'm evil math

Q: Biggest Fan?

Bruce: Uh are you familiar with a super hot *considers it* no homo guy named Bruce Wayne well if not then you should totally check him out!

Joker: Oh it's Batman he chases me around the city I have no idea what that's about...

Q: Favorite cartoon?

Bruce: Uh well anything that has Batman because again he's hot AGAIN no homo

Joker: My little pony! There are soo cute and the colors and shit like who doesn't love Ben 10!

Q: Favorite season?

Bruce: Fall because I always fall.

Joker: Spring because that's when I get chased the most by Batman... in wonder why... (Spring is crime season)

Q: Thoughts on Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles?

Bruce: Love them! I worked with them during summer last year... or was that Scooby-Doo?

Joker: I think I killed those...

A/N: How this happened I have no idea, but I hope you guys enjoy the update!


	7. Dick's Goes To Kindergarten

A/N: Okay so we wrote this on the spot in a science class so we might have rushed this a little bit. Also the reason I wasn't updating a lot is because of testing which is still going on, but I have some free time.

**8:00 AM Gotham Elementary School**

Bruce: Bye Dick! Love you old chum!

Dick: Bye daddy! (hahhaha you thought wrong ;))

Teacher we randomly named Andrew Vincent Bostwick: Okay kids let's introduce ourselves! You first *points at Dick*

Dick: Hi! My name's Dick and I like sucking dick!

Nuns: *Horrified because they lost their sanity in one second*

Dick: Actually my dad made me say that... he was trying not to laugh... and then my mom started screaming bloody murder anyways I like sucking dick, and you should too, dad says moms a good one too.

A/N: And my friend just did that ( I just got the idea of Dick's first day of school when Anna took it from there...)


	8. Marco Polo

Marco Polo  
WatchTower 10:13 PM  
*Screams around the watchtower*  
Batman: WHO THE F**K IS SCREAMING!  
Green Lantern: I think that's wally...  
*everybody comes out of there rooms to see who's screaming to suddenly see Wally running around sobbing*  
Wally: I NEED PAMPERS!  
Martian man Hunter: Why do you need pamp-  
Hawkgirl: LET"S GO!  
Target 11:35 PM  
Founding Justice Leaguer's finally arrive to the store*  
Batman: I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST DROVE ALL OF YOU GUYS FROM THE WATCHTOWER ALL THE WAY TO TARGET TO BUY PAMPERS FOR WALLY!  
Martian man Hunter: They were for Wally?  
Everybody: *Ignores Martian man Hunter's question and get out of the Bat-plane*  
Superman: Ok guys we will go for the pampers grab em' and go! Ok?  
Everybody: Ok!  
Hawkgirl: Mission Pampers here we go!  
*Split up*  
Eventually  
Everybody: *Lost*  
Wally:*Crying* Oh god I'm lost...… MARCO!  
Batman: WTF? How the f**k was that?  
Wonder Woman: *Shrugs*  
Superman: *Knowing it's Wally and what he's trying to do* POLO! WHERE ARE YOU?  
Wally: I DON'T KNOW! SOME ROOM THAT SAYS DON'T ENTER!  
Green Lantern: MARCO!  
Hawkgirl: POLO! WHAT IS IT?  
Green Lantern: I'M STUCK IN A GENEATOR BUCKET!  
Hawkgirl: WTF?! HOW"D YOU DO THAT?  
Green Lantern: I TRIPPED OVER A KID!  
Hawkgirl: HOW DID YOU FIND A KID?!  
Green Lantern: I WAS LOOKING FOR PAMPERS IN THE TOY SECTION!  
Wally: I'M SURE THERE ARE NO PAMPERS IN THE TOY SECTTION, I'M NOT THAT STUPID!  
Green Lantern: OH YEAH! WELL ONE THING FOR SURE IS THAT PAMPERS DON'T GO IN A 'DO NOT ENTER' ROOM!  
Batman: IF YOU SEE A DO NOT ENTER ROOM THE PURPOSE OF BOTH THAT SIGN AND THAT ROOM IS. TO. NOT. ENTER. CAN YOU NOT READ?!  
Wally: No...  
Wonder Woman: Then how did you know that it was a 'Do Not Enter' room?  
Wally: Oh! I found a person inside that explained to me where I was. By the way he has stickers that smell like cherries.  
Hawkgirl: MARCO!  
Wonder Woman: POLO! WHAT NOW?!  
Hawkgirl: I CAN'T FIND JONN'!  
*Batman, Wonder Woman, and Hawkgirl start to look for Jonn'*  
Wonder Woman: I FOUND HIM!  
*Martian man Hunter on the floor eating all the Oreo's that Target can allow*  
Batman: WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K?!  
*Wonder Woman randomly disappears*  
Batman: MARCOOO!  
Hawkgirl: OMG! POLO! WHAT NOW?! Wait! Why are you yelling?!  
Batman: I LOST MY GIRLFRIE- I mean I lost Wonder Woman  
*Batman and Superman freak out*  
Hawkgirl: Really?  
Wonder Woman: *On the floor prank calling Walmart*

To Be Continued...

A/N: Hey! I'm back sorry it took soo long I had testing and well everything was so messed up but it's finally over! hope you guys like this one!


	9. Duck Phobia

Duck Phobia

A/N: Soo umm yeah I have been gone for a prettyy long time now but... I'M BACK! so yeah this story is actually based on my friend Alex's phobia to duck's (she's basically scared of them) Well enough talking.

Watchtower 3:45 PM

Wally: UGHHH! I'm soo bored!

Shayera: Right!

Batman: No one cares, so suck it up!

Superman: You don't have to be so rude about it Batman.

Wally: I have an idea!

Batman: Nothing is a good idea with you...

John: Shhh! *Whispers in Batman's ear* He may have one this time.

Wally: Ok as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. *Stares at Batman* I was going to say that we should go to this very cool park in Central City.

Everybody: Yeah!

Batman: UGHH... Alright, we can go!

Central City Park 4:03 PM

*Diana and Bruce (Not Batman) were sitting under a tree with a picnic basket having a conversation, Green Lantern and Hawkgirl were playing an intense game of Uno, Superman was reading a book about how to be a better leader or something like that (being the boy scout he was) meanwhile the Martianman Hunter was eating some Oreo's under a slide in the children's playground*

Wally: *Walking around the pond*

(*A/N: Yes I said walking because think about a public park and running at super-speed is not exactly discrete*)

Wally: Hmmm... Maybe if I tell Diana that I'm a billionaire too she'll date me! *looks down and see's a group of duck's near his feet staring back at him*

Wally: *Stands there and process it threw*

Wally:...

Wally: *Starts screaming like a person Fangirling over WonderBat (That's definitely not me)*

*Everybody runs to look for Wally to see what's making him scream like the typical girl in a scary movie*

Superman: What's wrong?

Wally: *Jumps on Diana*

Diana: *By reflex catches Wally*

Wally: THerEwEReDHJVULGYKFXKHIUKUGCRTFUFT! AHHHHHHHHHHHH! *Starts sobbing in Diana's arms*

Hawkgirl: What?

Martianman Hunter: *Reads Wally's mind* OH!

Diana: What? Is he ok? Cause let's be honest he never is and never looks like it but this time he seriously just doesn't look ok.

Everybody: *Nods*

Martianman Hunter: Umm no actually he just got scared by the ducks near the pond...

Everybody: *Stares at Wally* (Silence)

...

*Crickets*

*Out of nowhere baby starts crying*

Diana: *lets Wally fall to the floor*

Green Lantern: Man get yourself together, we can't go anywhere with you! You embarrass us all the time *whispers low in Wally's ear* especially around the ladies *Winks at Hawkgirl*

Wally: But... Duck's are creepy...

Bruce: Man! How the f**k are they creepy?! They're just animals!

Wally: THEY'RE CANNIBALS!

*Crickets*

Minutes later...

*Everyone is holding Wally starting from the arms and ending with the legs trying to throw him into the pond with the duck's*

Wally: NOOOOOOOOOO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! I STILL HAVEN'T WROTE MY WILL! I STILL HAVE TO PRANK HALF OF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, AND MARRY DIANA! 

Bruce: Wait... WHAT!?

*Everybody let's go of Wally*

Wally: NEVERMIND I WANT TO DIE! I WANT TO DIE! PLZZZZ! I BEG ANYONE PLZZZ KILL ME I DON'T CARE ANYMORE PLZZZ KILL ME!

*Bruce chases Wally around the park with a stick in one hand and a duck on the other scream 4,000 million ways that he's going to kill him*

Green Lantern: Welp who needs Netflix when you got this?

Diana: We'll just pretend we don't know them, and when they come back we torture Wally and I'll see Bruce in my quarters, meanwhile we go get ice cream deal?

Everone: YESS!

*They leave to get ice cream while Bruce chases Wally into the sunset with a duck in hand*


End file.
